mixed emotions

Grief, pain, happiness
What is my mind trying to tell me?
Hurt, excitement, fear
What is my heart trying to employ?
Time is short, yet time has only begun
Ahead of me a web is being spun
Will doubt, and uncertain events be woven in thread by thread?
If I stay strong peace, comfort, and direction will be bound up
With the flip of a coin my direction can change
But I cannot follow heads and tails
My sights are set, my aim is honest
Now the real test: can I fire through my mixed emotions?

this very night

On this night, this very night
A sign was given of the Father's love
On this night, this very night
A Lamb was born to defeat the Lion and redeem mankind
On this night, this very night
The sun may set, but the light will not cease
On this night, this very night
The Lamb satisfied the demands of justice
On this night, this very night
Mercy was gifted to us all
On this night, this very night
Belief is rekindled to knowledge of the solace the atonement grants
Trumpeting forth
On this night, this very night
That we know Jesus the Christ, the Lamb of God

alone i weep

Pushing the world away so I may search so deep
          Alone I weep
As numerous as the sand of the sea
My tear drops fall uncontrollably

Each drop reflects the pain; represents the strain
That I have bottled up inside until it burst
          Alone I weep
Pondering the past events, sorting for the joyful moments

Breathing deeply I wipe my eyes
Square my shoulders and let out a sigh
Telling myself that to bring relief
It is needed at times for me to escape
          Alone I weep

wish upon a star

A wish can be a fickle thing or the very aspect
That narrates a child's dream
A star is a gift from God for each to confide
Their deepest desires in a wishful manner
Bringing peace and hope to the world around them
Knowing if that they are faithful and true
Their wish just may be the one that comes true
Many lose their faith and so their star does not appear
Even so when the sun departs
The night is ruled by a dream lit sky
Reminding us all that to wish upon a star
Is not a foolish act
But brings those who are lost a sense of peace
And tugs at their heart to wish upon their star
And add to the beacon that calls
The world to wish upon a star

with you

When our eyes met that fateful night
As as I made my way across the room
I was wondering what I could do to show you
That I wanted my promise to be forever with you

Last night in the quiet when our day was through
I listened to you sleeping and stayed awake by you
Remembering all the feelings I had
A smile came across my face as I pictured you
Sitting by the window in the hall or
Laughing with the children at the little thing you saw
Softly I whispered, to not disturb your slumber,
That my promise was forever with you

Kneeling by your bedside, tears rolling off my cheeks
The time has come for us to part,
I continue to hold your hand as I did on that fateful night
To show you that my promise is forever with you

my older brother

I have a really neat family.  I hope I can be with my family forever. My whole family is neat,  but let me tell you about my older brother; especially the time when he got his mission call.  I guess we planned on his mission long before he could go.  In fact, our parents were planning that mission long before I was born.  Anyway, the family home evening we had just before he left was super special (even though my favorite one had to be the one we had the first night he was gone).  Before he left, though, we all talked about how we were going to be a part of his mission.  Some were concerned about converts and baptisms; others about the difficulties.  Lots of relatives were there and he knew he was going to the land of his ancestors.

He went before there was a language school and he was going to have to pick up the language and start from scratch.  He wasn't going to open the mission, but we knew that the others that had gone there before had really had a hard time.  When the time for him to go finally came, we were all gathered together and we sand a song--the kind of song that makes you happy and makes you cry at the same time.  It was neat with so many relatives.

He had prepared so long; we knew he would do well.  He did have some problems with companions that slept too much and other things, but he said it was because they didn't understand.  He worked hard.  He had baptisms, although I don't remember how many and I don't know names either.  He talked to people in shops, in their church meetings, in their homes, on the streets, and wherever he got the chance.  Most of the people didn't care.  Some of the people even got angry.  Some even tried to hurt him or make fun of him.  I wouldn't want anyone to call me names or spit on me.  Some of the people did listen and that made him so happy.  It made me happy too.

He did have some problems with the law.  The people that didn't like what he taught decided to try to get him to quit.  He got arrested.  They said he told people he was something he wasn't.  Anyway, there was a trial or something.  It didn't turn out the way I had thought it might, but he said it was okay.  i wasn't sure.  Anyway, after the trial they beat him until he was bleeding and they made fun of him, and then they took my older brother on a hill and crucified him.

He died for me and I just hope that when He comes again, I can sing for him like we did when he was born in Bethlehem so many years ago.

---Layne Thomas Rushforth---

remember to dream

As years pass and we grow out of our childish ways we oft forget to keep close what mattered most to us during those adolescent years.  The matter may have changed over the time from toys to Friday night dates and for some a pair of ice skates, others a doll that came to life in our eyes when we were young.  Have we forgotten now what is was like to go to bed with no worries or fear but only dreams of what adventure we will take the next day?  Adventure to Treasure Island or to Outer Space with our trusty cardboard box as our ship or shuttle.
  Or how about the nights when you would stare aloof, pondering how long Christmas was away?  Do we pause now and remember the nights of sheepishly waiting for Santa only to find a  plethora of gifts around us the next morning, realizing that you fell asleep on the couch?  Do we remember what it was like to scan the newspaper ads or the shop windows so that we knew exactly what to ask for?
  How about the many letters we put our heart into thanking Santa for his Christmas flight, then trying to be nice?  Do we pause to remember?
  This season of time let us not forget what we once held so dear, for there are many around us that hold similar things near.  Young or old, the spirit will not die, it is us that we must keep alive.
  Take some time to reflect and give thanks for the cherished times, then let us all press on building what is left of our precious time.  Making memories with the ones we love, and remember, take time to dream of what may be above.

a knights tale

Hoof beats on the ground sounding as thunder from afar
A merciless knight rides on
Armor glistening, scattering diamonds across the sunset sky
Darkness draws in but still he rides, for terror is upon the wind
He knows not where he rides, but follows the promptings of his heart
He was beckoned, heeded the call, a Damsel was awaiting
Every knight knew the sound, but only when true love was found would one listen
Ascending the final peak, his noble stead's hoof beats sounded forth his onslaught
As he rode into the heart of the unconquerable keep
At once he drew his sword and shouted onward to his foe:
"A knights tale is not complete until you are sleeping underneath my feet!"
Dismounting his horse, his heart knew, his mind aware
For there was a malicious glare as Hell's fire licked
To travel around the glory of his shield
Battle ensued,
One fighting for love
The other fighting to defend a lair
The knight fought with the fury of a dragon
Using his growing rage to compete against an
Imaginable beast of midnight scales with a warriors pattern
Of stars lining its jaws of eternal abyss
Terror struck, the beast thought he had victory
Watching yet another knight fall to a knee
All at once the knight felt the cry of true love
Resonate throughout his chest, pulling him to his feet;
Guiding his crimson sword deep, piercing the soul of the Midnight Beast
Releasing anguish and sorrow from its darkened prison
With the rising of the sun the knight removed his blackened helmet
And viewed the arrangement of what entailed and fell weeping
Seeing his image upon the creature he had destroyed
A gentle hand cleared his tears
Gazing up he found true beauty
That he longed to know for a thousand years
This knights tale, is now complete

a missionary

Sometime between the whirl of teenage activity and the confinement to cane and rocking chair, we find a strange creature called a missionary.  Missionaries come in two varieties: elders and sisters.  They come in assorted sizes, weights, and colors-green being the most common among the new ones.
  Missionaries are found everywhere, hurrying, climbing, knocking, walking, and getting thrown out.  Converts love them, young girls worship them, the law tolerates them, dogs hate them, most people ignore them, and heaven protects them.
  A missionary is a composite.  It has the appetite of a horse, the enthusiasm of a firecracker, the patience of Job, the persistence of a Fuller Brush salesmen, and the courage of a lion tamer.  It likes letters from home, invitations to Sunday dinner, conferences, checks, and visits from the mission president.
  It isn't much fun tracting in blizzards, ladies who slam doors, hats, suits and dull ties, apartment houses, transfers to hot areas, shaking hands at arms length with the opposite sex, alarm clocks, and "Dear John" letters.
  A missionary is an odd character.  It can get homesick, discouraged, and temporarily lose faith in the whole human race.  Yet nobody else can knock so boldly with such a shaky hand.  Nobody is so early to rise or so tired at 10:30 p.m.  And nobody else can get such a thrill at the end of a discouraging day from the words, "Come on in-I've been waiting for you."
  A missionary is truth with a pocket full of tracts, and faith with 69 cents in its pocket.  "Hey Dad, where is that check?"  Yes, they are all this but a strange lump will rise in its throat the day it receives its letter of release, and on arrival home its homecoming speech will probably contain the phrase it once considered trite.  "The time I spent in the mission field was the happiest time of my life."

-From the Finnish Mission newsletter, November 1959-

the moments

This is a poem that Kathy Petersen of Hastings, MI wrote, she is a very dear friend of mine and I wanted to include her work for others to see

 

 THE MOMENTS

 

The hands of time

       like an hour glass of sand,

Flowing ever so silently

       yet swiftly.

Embrace the moment

       that falls into your hands...

          Cherrish it.....

             Love it......

                Embrace it...

Sweet are the moments.

on the horizon

On the horizon I watch
waiting to see what will arise today
Will it be the majestic glow of the rising sun
Which would only cast a glimmer of hope upon my
Darkened heart?
Will it be  the white sails I long to see,
Signifying that the Lord's breath upon the ocean
Brought you back to me?

On the horizon I watch
Day to day I leave when the setting sun
Steals my hopes once more
And return in the early morn when the sun
May joyfully announce your safe harbor

On the horizon I have watched
All these years, waiting, never failing

On the horizon I will continue to watch
Until that fateful day, if God permits
That you will be with me watching the malicious sun set
Knowing that no more will it steal our dreams
For that reason,
On the horizon I watch

you are not forgotten

At times when the day seems rough you want to quit when the going gets tough
And wallow in misery when you feel alone
That is when you need to remember
You are not forgotten

Standing alone can be an intimidating job
Especially when it is against the schools biggest snob
In front of the crowd you make your pact
And manage to keep your words on track
Only after does the shame set in
For standing alone is the unpopular act
That is when you need to scan the crowd, and remember
You are not forgotten

Once on the bus you thought you were safe
Instead you find a new case of teasing and torment
For everyone knows that you are different
That difference is what makes you remember
You are not forgotten

Friday night and you have a date with the one
That you have dreamed about; the one who makes
Your step flutter when they look in your direction
In an instant all of your fairytale endings
Come crashing down, as you have to tell the
One you thought you loved...no
Just remember as you lay weeping wondering why
You are not forgotten

Remember there is one who remembers
Particularly well when he felt your pain
And witnessed the reflection of your face on the
Innocent drops of his blood
When you fall on bended knee when life gets to
Tough to stand, thank your Maker
And always remember when the path your trudging
Seems all uphill
You are not forgotten

the hope within

Frustrated you turn away, angry you hide.  Unsure you tremble.  Each step is another of pain, each thought taking you back to when you knew happiness.  Now walking through the valley of sorrow with taunting remembrance toying with the strings of your heart.  You ask yourself as you trudge ruthlessly, how did I fall so low?  Without warning you lose your footing and crumple into a heap, sobbing, to weak to get up.  Slowly you let the frustration take over; you are tired of going on into the unknown.  Tired of feeling alone.  Tired of being judged by the cruel demanding world.  Tired of the pain with the each day.  Tired......
As your tears water the barren ground a reflection comes forth glimmering the hope that you once knew.  Could it be that it still lies deep within?  Do you have the strength to continue into the unknown?  Shaking, trembling, faithful, you go on.

the day the world stood still september 11, 2001

The sky rained fire and hell
Bringing down the hope of a nation
That stood parallel
On that beautiful fall morning the world stood still

A gaping wound was opened as old ones healed
While forgiveness was spoken through the rising fear
On that beautiful fall morning the world stood still

Many watched in horror, others cheered in vain
For what they thought was a crippling blow
Only awoke the zeal to press on through the pain
On that beautiful fall morning the world stood still

Many were not present, but all felt the effects
When our country bonded together in prayer
Asking God to rewind time, so we could all prepare
For that beautiful fall morning when the world stood still

power of the pen

1776 marked the year our Founding Fathers altered the strongest force with words of wisdom composed to declare this country's freedom.
In later years we the people see the divine impact their signatures have had on one nation under God.
Commonly seen as simple and obsolete, but with reconciliation the power of the pen becomes complete.
Without the pen Independence could not have been found; for the spoken word could not have reached across the vast blue wasteland.
Untamed the power of the pen can destroy what one has worked so hard to employ.
Used wisely the power of the pen can unite us all to what we the people hold to be self evident in the unalienable rights of, Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.

freedom - july 4

on this glorious day we praise those men
whose lives have lost for freedoms cost
giving all that we may live
under god's grand authority with abiding peace
wounds they bear, medals they wear
a deeper look will show true intent
and why a man is so willing to leave his family
for desolate war to fight on wild frontier
for our countries freedom
to allow it to last evermore

whisper in the wind

seen by many, understood by few
blowing from each direction i send it to you
peace will abound when you hear its chorus play
for it is my whisper in the wind that you hear this day

it is my whisper in the wind that will let you know i am near
it will wrap you up safe and hold you dear
caressing of your cheek and tickling of your lips, will occur
when you feel my whisper in the wind

my whisper in the wind, will keep us together
nothing can stop my whisper in the wind
it is the breathe of life, it is spoken truth
and you will always hear me say i love you
when you hear my whisper in the wind

i hope you remember that when times get rough
you can rest easy, knowing
that you can always hear, my whisper in the wind

journey's end

The storm you weathered
Faithfully stood
I was beside you
All the way
Whisp'ring you could!

Well done, my faithful servant
For me you defended
You stayed your course
Your journey has ended

-Derek Hegsted

share this dance together

In my dream we will share this dance together
On the silver skies with the moon as the stage
Your eyes control my every move
Keeping me locked in with your gaze
To show me a far better place
That we can only reach in the midst of this dream
So I will keep my eyes closed forever

In my dream we will share this dance together
Dancing on the wings of laughter forever
My imagination has never felt so real
As I taste the cotton candy lip gloss that lingers still
From when we made plans together
And shared this dance together
So I will keep my eyes closed forever

In my dream we will share this dance together
Moving through life with no fear
Until the time comes for us to dance apart
My heart will break, my feet will slow
But we will continue to share this dance together
For I will keep my eyes closed forever

In my dream we will share this dance together
We will build our life together
Swaying to the memories of us
The laughter of life, and the tears of pain
Entwined into the dance we share together
As the sun rises I will open my eyes
To see you there before me
And we will share this dance forever

given without complaint

To show our faith to God above
Of the bread and water we partake
The body and blood of the man without any mistake
The once bittercup now tastses sweet
All for one, one for all, the body broken to enlighten mans soul
The spirit fills the sinners bosom
Releasing all joy from the darkened prison
The light shines forth, testifying to all of the son of god
Who burst his three day prison and forever more will stand tall
As we partake we pray hosannas to his name
A cheer for good on bended knee to proclaim to all
That we may be freed through the son of god
As we partake of the emblems so small
That gives one the courage to face all

Mother

A mother is one who is always there
For no matter what she will always show care
At times she may not understand
Either way she will always be your biggest fan
A mother is one who will wake in the night
To scare off the monsters and speak comfort to a child in fright
A mother is one who will take the time to throw a ball,
Read a book, or to just listen and talk
A mother gives all her attention to the ones in her life
Never taking time to live her own life
For her life are the ones around her
A mother does not fear the moment
But the future that will strike in any time
Taking away the small moments of laughter and joy
But the love of a mother will keep together
Every memory a young child can create
Bugs in a dish, or roses from the park
A mother will always smile and accept
The precious gifts most graciously
For the gifts are priceless
From the children that a mother nurtures so carefully
Mothers are one of a kind, A mother will never give up
A mother is Gods best gift to me
My best friend for eternity

your voice

A wait that brought me to my knees
So that I was able to shout to him to beg and plead
To hear your voice again will soften the fears that torment me every night
When I do not hear your angelic voice proclaim the sweet love that you feel for me
As I lay my head down to rest and feel your heart beat
Like the waves crashing against my chest
To feel your breath dance across my skin
Once more will be as the rising sun glistening across the sea
Your eyes will watch over me
Our hands will intertwine the moment that voice of yours breaks all sublime
When I hear your voice once more
My lips will tingle with the remembrance of the kiss
That for so long has lingered bringing me softening dreams
Of you in my arms
Your voice calms all
Your voice is what I need
For your voice proclaims
Your everlasting love that you feel for me.

a tale of a rent heart

the soft sound of the rain will remind you of my agonizing pain
you will see the rainbow reflect all the good times but at the end will find my heart rent in twain
the bird will sing a song full of sorrow
and on the morrow it will ring through your mind as the deathly hollows grip our once sacred time
a time that was full of laughter but now stands silent as the hills
no longer boasting joy from the beautiful mountain rills
emotion that only leads to commotion as i lay in front of the train
waiting to be freed from my desecrating pain
you will wait by the phone in vain as you wait for the call to free you from your self proclaimed trial
to step off the path of uncertainty and harbor from the ocean strain
alas i will remain on the buffeting waves of the storm until an angelic host rescues me from my prison of shame
and to tame the tempest that rends my heart in twain

i must have loved you before

maybe we were flowers, soaking up every ray of sun to grow one inch closer to one another
or maybe we were song birds flying high upon the wind and everynight in the trees i would sing you to sleep
whatever the truth is one thing is for sure
i've got this timeless place for you in my heart
how i could love you this much i don't know
but there is this ageless feeling that tells me more and more; i must have loved you before

maybe i was an ocean and you were the sandy beach living in it and i was fallin at your feet
maybe you were the moon and i was the just the dark living in your sweet light thanking god i was where you are
they say love is eternal, well i guess they must be right cause i've got this timeless place for you in my heart
how could i love you this much i don't know
there is this ageless feeling that tells me more and more
i must have loved you before

whenever you kiss me, well it feels like coming home
i've got this timeless place for you in my heart
how could i love you this much, baby i don't know
but there is this ageless feeling that tells me more and more
i must have loved you before

there is this ageless feeling that tells me more and more
i must have loved you before

a dream

i wake up with you by my side
the perfect girl in the perfect time
god must really love me
the love we share would be considered a crime to some
because we know no fear and take pride in that we are not crazy
its in this moment that i see not only god loves me but you love me as well
and now this is when i wake up
and to my dismay you are no where in sight
but god must love me for the reason you still love me
after all this time it has not costed us dime
for love is priceless and cannot be bought
but it will always be sought
every night i go back into that dream as i wake with you by my side
and every morning you are not by my side
but i know that you are watching me today
because there are holes in the floor of heaven
and your love is pouring down touching my lips
time is what seperates us, not distance, and soon enough you will take my name
i pray that we grow old together
no despair for no matter the fate, god must really love me
because there are holes in the floor of heaven
and your eyes watch over me as your love pours down

the bond of true love

is love just a four letter word?
or is it the indescribable feeling that builds between two hearts and souls that bursts at the first impact of a passionate kiss?
is love the war that rages to bring two undeniable beings together in the bonds of matramony?
or is it the double edge sword that fights for but defends ones heart agaisnt the uplifting but at times destructive power of love?
is love the force of good or the force of evil?
is love the long restless nights that the harps of the heart pluck their strings as the violins of the soul glide to teh longing for the embrace of love?
or is love the gunfire that bloodies the sun to imperfection causing it to cast a malicious shadow on that of a mans eyes shrowding out emotion?
is love the superhero in the fight or is love the weeping child alone in the night?
is love that which is tangible or what the heart concieves?
for one cannot control of who they fall in love with
to come love is what destroys a nation
to me love is the rain of beauty of the one meant to be

is true just a four letter word?
what is the meaning of true?
that is a question posed by many and answered by select few
the world wonders if true is a term that has meaning; placed before us doest true have a meaning?
is true the abandoned bell that no longer has a ring?
is true the flower that blooms late but has the most radiant beauty of all because it took a consolidated amount of time?
is true the music the deaf can hear or the wind in the trees that the blind can see?
or is true the bridle placed on emotion? or is true itself the most precious emotion?
is true the warmth that melts the ice around the conquered fear?
is true the battle that is not won?
or is true the quest that a brave knight must take to travel far in order to seek the most precious of victories?

are love and true both just four letter words?
or when melted together to form a bond nigh unbreakable do they become one?

true love is what beats in the veins
true love is not just a statement, it is a power from on high
that springs forth when called upon
true love is the two letter phrase that completes the symphony of the heart and the percussion of the soul; for it takes the instrument of the heart and the passion of the soul to create a blissful tone that grows stronger every time true love is found
true love is the knight that weilds the double edge sword
for a sword without a knight is but love alone and cannot defend his true love which he found in the most precious victory

true love is the most inspirational gift a man can have
for without a true woman, true love would sieze to exist

true love cannot be broken, true love uplifts the hopes of the knight and his princess
the symphony of the heart and soul play across any weeping distance;
keeping true love looking at the same moon every night until true love reunites

night sky

a pristine image is what makes the perfect night sky
it is a gateway of our love that cannot dim
time nor distance will never manage a worthy resistance
true loves kiss is the most powerful force of all
the night sky acts as romeo's crystal ball to gaze on his precious juliet in the confinement of his mind as the sun sets with a lofty glow juliet's heart begins to slow longing for the touch of her distant romeo
two places at once as two hearts combine to create a love blanketed underneath the artwork of the majestic night sky
every night of everyday the night sky makes an appearance only to be swept away into a new day that brings one closer to the everlasting treasure which brings both of us an eterinty of pleasure holding the one they love under the new artwork of each night sky knowing that for everyday to come each will be the others for every night sky to come

who we are

as sons of man we walk
as sons of god we talk
behold a royal army stands
to preach his word to every land
a black name tag we bear
with courage and honor and faith from above
small it may be but loud it shows forth
it is the battle cry of our royal army
letting the world know that we are missionaries

missionary shoes

your companions for the next two years

they become a part of you as you go everywhere

protection they provide, comfort they support

they willingly give that you may work

and wear them out as missionary shoes

memories they show, work they come to know

the gift is priceless but is evidence of the work

holes you wear in them, puddles they tramp through

never leaving your side, never complaining

you wake up and put on your shoes

not ordinary shoes but those of a missionary

those that have seen the plains of kansas

hiked the rocky mountains, and walked sea to sea

shoes that guide, direct, protect and serve a missionary of the lord

they suffer as christ, that we may not have to

and bring a missionary to those seeking truth

shoes they are, but everlasting, uncomplaining, hole bearing,
proud, honorable companions they become
that is a pair of missionary shoes

two years

two years is the time it takes to get lost in the work
two years it takes to find what you are searching for
two years brings hope into the eyes of many
two years and things change
people learn, people mature, people leave
two years some complain is forever
how can it be forever when it is not eternity?
two years i remember what i was doing
two years i will look back and say "no regrets"
two years is an eye blink
but also the amount of time in a breath
two years age will not matter
for two years i will grow in wisdom and maturity
two years is a learning stage
two years is a vision of what one seeks
two years and i may find it
for two years i will be two years older
two years is what it takes to become a thousand years wiser
two years you leave familiar for familiar
two years you leave home for home and then return home
two years is a blessing
two years and i will find myself at home
saying goodbye to my first hello but hello to my first goodbye
that is the time of two years

true action

Actions can be heard over that of the harshest word
One may speak but few will hear because of the ringing in their ear
That came from the one man band action marathon
To put on a suit and walk people will not hear
For the world will turn when they hear the sound of the black name tag echoes abroad
Jesus the Christ it states, I am a disciple it sings
No fool or coward can wear such a gift
A man, humility and charity is what it takes to be bestowed with the honor
To shout the action of wearing the black name tag

jesus the christ

Jesus the Christ understands all we may have loss
Which is why he hung on that cross
Not out of malice or guilt
But devotion to the Father and to show the world their loss
To return again he came
Once again he helped build from our loss
The Atonement is what it is called
Jesus the Christ just saved us all